Creating confidence through power abusing!

Assalamualaikum .. 

Felt like writing a diary... Since no one knows about my blog.. Hihi

Today was a good day.. Will take every challenge in everyday positively.. As usual today was a happy day.... Update from the last post about dr J.. Yup!he failed me but i wasnt surprised at all..yet i was even determined to sit for the remedial exam and wanted to pass with flying colours...to prove him wrong! Me and my friend went to hospital to study our mistake and practiced hard till the day of the exam..as usual that morning i woke up at2 o'clock reading my books and at 7 I left my house and went to the hospital..that morning we voted for our numbers and i got number 6... My lucky '6' and i got an easy case that is ccf.. As i turned around suddenly i found that my examiner(also my mentor) will be taking my case.. So happy since he knows me.. And kind of confident that i could answer most of the question but i still pray in all my prayers hoping that i will pass this one if not i will have to repeat the whole year and it will be a waste for me.. 

Today my mentor called me..and he said that they just finished their meeting with the dean.. And he said that he failed me and one of my friend (which is also his mentee)... Keep asking me if i think i performed well or not....how would i know dr! You judge!

 Somehow..one of his words was ' i was just joking..' But it wasnt clear..the phone was a bit off or is it just me?am i hallucinating right now? I said that i confused and couldnt understand it.. But he kept on saying he failed me afterthat making me more confused..is it really true dr? How can my heart say the other? He said he will try to help me with no promises.. And he said that u have to study better next time.. 12 people failed when they seat for the remedial exam. So another 36 must have passed right? Why am i not the one then? It kept playing in my mind.... 

Then u shall ask why the power abuse right? I think all the dr in medicine like to abuse people with their power... Even if they have the right to put the grade on us and judge us during the exam they have no right to pull us down in our own concious mind.(same goes to my beloved dr J) ... Did they think by saying this before the actual result is endorsed really help me? It even pull my strength and confidence down..and above all i even felt inferior now to continue my medicine course... They are all using their power and playing with our mind..then why did you not call us for viva??! 

I hate liars the most in the world..lets see if he pass me or failed me.. Even if he passed me i will just put him the same level as dr J..hurm.... Lets just see!

Today since i received the call when im with my little sister.. She knew that my mentor called me to fail me,.she then told my mother about it..(when i dont want to tell her since it is not even official yet right?) since she told her thinking maybe she wanted to help me express my mind but in a bad way my mom changes into bad mood..i knew that it could change her mood that is why i decided to just make it quite but my little sister told her.. So her actual mind do the talking.. She really is scared that i have to repeat my year since 60k will be on the line.. She even said that since the dr called it must be true... She said that how can i said that i can answer them when the dr called me.. So her fear took over her.the TRUST is lost from that moment...and she speaks her mind..she said that if i have to repeat year then just change the course and find another university...she cant be spending it on me anymore... TRUE! That is what i thought..i cant be wasting her money anymore..why do i feel really burdened by this course? When i first got into medicine..i felt so happy that in the future i will in the first line helping people holding them...but now i even though that it is my mistake.. Because i never asked Allah about it..is it good or bad.. As it is not the 1st time failing her trust went down on me and she even said that you kept failing... I tried and tried but what can i do..the doctors like to fail me no matter how hard i work on reading all the books.. Even a friend of mine rarely study and only study last minute and even did not go to the lecture pass her exam easily.. Why is that so Allah? 

But i dont have the heart to raise that issue since i know Allah know it best! And what is my future and my best option eventhough i have losty mom's trust... Hurm.. I always see that Allah will always rescue me when im in a really critical condition and Allah has never let me down before... So will always put my trust in HIM.. My best hero and savior..Allah is the most superior and i will not listen to others word unless he agreed to their word..so dr..dun try to make me down as i will make sure to humiliate you back by my success.. Try me! 

Now that i have written the story lets see what my journey will end up in... Staying in medicine to my 4th year or changing my course and start new.. Stay waiting.. Will update soon... 

Yours truely, 

Anabahibbak abadan..

 Some additional wise word...

JUST WHEN YOU ARE ABOUT TO FORGET~

Assalamualaikum....

.today was my final EOP exam for internal medicine..... but it did not seems to turn out well ... the patient was in respiratory distress with oxygen attached and difficulty in breathing....makes her difficult to talk...sigh.... it also make me difficult in taking her history.... but still i have to take the case ... enough with the patient now the dr evaluating is not very "friendly" and like to use a sarcastic way of talking..... plus my mind shut down with all the pressure today.... hurm.... pressure all around.... jealous with other people that have gotten an easier case..with easier and helpful doctor.. when my case was already in the complication stages.... now the only thing left is tawakkal and doa.... just when i was very down her comes my family (especially ibu) giving full support.... and in her support she gave me something that made me drop my tears.... that is very meaningful and very beautiful ..... a link with a topic of how surah ad dhuha can change your life (http://understandquran.com/how-sura-ad-duha-can-change-your-life.html) suprising but a very good read....

and the best part is :

Wa wa jadaka daal lan fahada— And He found you lost and guided [you].

How many of us, despite being born Muslims, have found ourselves misguided and straying away from Islam in the past? It was Allah who gave us that hidaya and brought us back to the straight path and to Him and made us practicing Muslims. Alhamdulillah!

just when he found you lost he guided you.....maybe this is also one of the love Allah gave me ...by reminding me through trials...and he sent the reminder through a person i cherish the most that is ibu....when i was too busy with all the life in the dunya and forget to read the quran and starting to feel lazy in waking up in the middle of the night for tahajjud.... this is when the trials comes in .... just a slight trial that is difficulty in doing the exam..... #throwback..! how can Allah be so loving that he reminded me when i am away from him.... Allah reminded me that He holds the heart of all people and He reminded me that all success and failure came from him both with the best benefits....crying out of my heart.....repenting.... should change my way of living ..... when i just got a small trial that was a hard examination.... when other people in other part of the world are facing even more than i do.... such as in palestine...they are losing their loved one....all the homeless people....how can i be this forgetful? Ya Allah ...please forgive and guide me in your path....guide me and my family and give your blessing to us so that we wont be part of the ungrateful .....ameen... 

yours truly,

anabahibbak abadan

(lots of love-abah,ibu,maira,cha!)

EXAM FEVER!! :P

The exams are just around the corners and seems like im still not ready....just arrived from malaysia in two weeks time and tik tok tik tok....TADA! im having the exams next week...so lets study hard and pray3....

have to put this as a reminder of my exams distributions....owh GIT module plis be good!

The exams will be on the 3rd of April ...it was supposed to be on the 4th but it was changed recently,...apalah cikgu! kurang satu hari untuk study! Dem!

so buzy nowadays..my schedule especially was really tight...feeling like crying...school from 8-2(actually past   two because our internal medicine seems to have a lot of stories to tell evethough she kept on saying its not something we should know yet....with a hungry stomach!)

then right after i arrived home immediately starting to prepare some of the ingredients as i am the cook yesterday!hehe...guess what...i make lasagna yesterday....hihi...so then we went to our arabic class till 6 and continue cooking.we ate around 8 and felt like dying so went to sleep...buzy right...?but the lasagna was amazingly delicious ....(sorry no picture!)

there really is nothing to write today...just going through the same schedule over and over but as for today i only have 2 hours lecture...thats the only report today....

will be ending my stories by an interesting quote for me...that is :

so dont forget to pray and please Allah....just a nice reminder for myself......X)

END

yours truly,

anabahibbak abadan

(lots of love-abah,ibu,maira,cha!)

Alhamdulillah , Alhamdulillah , Alhamdulillah...:P

ALHAMDULILLAH AlA KULLI HAL  YA ALLAH.....
(praise to Allah in everything ).....

ALHAMDULILLAH today are the day where i get the results for the winter semester third year as a medical student....as the genital module was a killer module,....and based on the last years analysis...even the seniors that havn`t fail any module before failed this module...and it really was NOT an easy module as it was really long....and really hard...so i am very scared that i might again fail this module....i keep on praying so that i can passed this exams at least with a better results than my pass semester...(but indeed Allah is the best planner of all!)
 when the result was announced i was in the middle of the lecture....the lecture was supposed to end at 2 but maybe the professor did not realised that it passed two....my feet were trembling and my heart feels like bursting out of fear(as a medical student i will now use this term to describe my heart..it was having tachycardia and maybe atrial fibrillation!!XD..the professors should be pround of me..hihi...).yet,,,i continue to listen to the lecture eventhough i am very concerned about the results...as for the student who have internet in their phone...they checked their results immediately but i was waiting until we reached home to check....
as everybody knows that alexandria university has the hardest module in the shortest time and they give the worts result.....as when we were in our 1st year....when other universities announced their results and the number of students who get mumtaz were like so many and yet in our university only one or two actually get that kind of results i started to feel disappointed and starts asking on why did i chose medic?i can just study business or something that are not really hard to score in and still live a happy life....as years passes i actually realise that i actually have the passion and i want to help all the people in needs...especially when you see how hard the people in Egypt are working and having so many diseases....and the best part is that in egypt you dont just learn medicine....you learn medicine and the relation with Al-Quran as they know how to speak arab language and understand the Quran well.....you learn the wonders of Islam eventhough our prophet is not a scientist or a doctor....but how can he knows about something that had been discovered only recently? because Allah is the creator of everything ..how could he not know about the things he created right?

the failure i get in my first year taught me well....i studied even more every year and today, Alhamdulillah my results are quite good as at least i got 2 A`s and 2 B`s and no more C`s like the past semester....innallah maa sobirin....(Allah will always be with the people who are patience!).... Allah also said ...pray to me and i will grant you your wish....so keep on praying eventhough the world may be hard...this is what i learn and touches me the most....

the results that come out today give me a new boost for the upcoming exams...please do pray for my next exams and the exam i repeated...so that i can pass with a flying colors....amiin...

-hope that maira will see this...seems like she have not notice about me writing again...it has a been a while after all....maybe we can just keep this as my memories....:P
END

yours truly,
anabahibbak abadan
(love family-abah,ibu,maira,cha)

the wonders of egypt?!

22/3/2013

hello and assalamualaikum.....actually today i am writing  today out of anger....want to know why?hmmmm.....so.. where should i start?

OK! lets start!
today is al jummuah(friday).....should be that today is a day that i think we should have more patience...afterall its friday....penghulu semua hari kan?

cantik kan bunga nie? spring is coming...WELCOME!:P
P/S =this is how happy we are before the guy came with the HUGE problems...:P




it starts out nice and calm.....woke up in the morning ..took my bath...even applied some moisturizing mask on the face(to have a better skin!!hehe) :P.... we should really take care of the skin in egypt or else your skin will be like berus jamban?hehehe....so far still a good day to starts with....even by the noon im still happily enjoying the khutbah together ..from the nearby mosque....after the friday prayer...we(hanna and I) planned to go out to look for a new phone(back to yesterdays story....her handphone accidentally fell into the tomyam maggie....so selamatlah ke dunia seterusnya)....and we also planned to go to the MARA for some bazaar-like events where we can buy the malaysian foods....so we really went there,....but all i can see is only the heads of the people...not well organized...because some foods like waffle...they only starts making it there...and there is only ONE waflle maker?! OMG! so slow...yet so many people,....so we decided to go back and find the food elsewhere....but on the way home i managed to grab kek batik cost 3 gnih and hanna took the apam...(but not as good as maimai`s cake..hihihi...)Maira`s the best in doing kek batik!

  we want maira`s cake batik!!!:P

when we wanna go down through the lif a guy suddenly asked us can he go down first because he urgently need to take the microphone...then hanna asked him cant we go down together?but he seemed to be so shocked...and i dont know why...as if like because we are in egypt so we have to be soooooo muslimah as if like in msia if you need to go down and just because you are a man you can own the whole lif,....brother,,,cant we just share...its not like we are going to do something to you....haiya!so frustrated...its good that he act that way...maybe to put some respect to the girls but its quite annoying...because the lif is very big ..just for you?sometimes i starts wondering how will our beloved prophet act in this kind of situation..is it really needed to seperate the lif?

this is how he looked at us!!!MENYAMPAHNYEER!



so out of frustration we then went to the coffee roastery....expensive food ,expensive restaurant....but i dont care anymore...my stomach is making a music out of hunger....and i can only think of having a meal right a way...cost me 70gnih but i think its worth it....kenyang nak mati!






<------ hanna yang sedang sebok belek phone baru dia
             @coffee rostery...












so today hanna bought a new phone(a cheap one just to make sure she can sms her mother ad receive calls that`s it) ......wonder if tonight there will be any new suprises waiting for me....will try my best to write and keep updating my stories eventhough there are no reader....hehe....just as a diary..:P

desert Hanna!

makanan pa...nyum2!

       masih kaya cuz baru withdraw duit...hihihi...:D

END...

yours truly,

anabahibbak abadan

(Family first and will always be in my heart!) <3

~abah,ibu,maira,cha

Once upon a TIME! :)

28/2/2013

WHAT?!! 2013??? so long never write anything...so busy as a medic student(extra alasan)...wanna write again today and see whether maira notice about the new story or not...hhehhe...lets see....if she saw this then definitely she will start commenting on it...

so where should we start....?erm...life have been very stressful each year..trying to get excellent result that is very3 hard to achieve....please Ya Allah...grant me my wish this sem.....just hope to achieve a better result...so lets see how it goes....there is not really much story to write today....just still enjoying my holiday...came back for raya cina and went back to penang.....it was really awesome...how malaysian food can make you satisfied especially telur sotong in penang!! NYUM2!!:P

today im missing my computer....my birthday lappy......love the lappy so much but suddenly the lappy`s charger went wrong sumwhere...so it is not even charging....but to repair it guess how much it cost..?RM1007....isn`t it like too expensive to start with?for a student like me? sigh....what should i do now?going back to egypt in a week time...lack of money and time to even think about it.....maybe it was the best for me?

today ibu wasnt feeling well.....i think its because of the antibiotics the doctor gave her....kesian ibu....she was throwing up from the night before.....when i was helping ibu to clean up....i suddenly thought about sacrifice .....why sacrifice you asked? because i am a doctor to be insha Allah...some day... all my patient might show symptoms that are worst right?i was thinking on how am i going to deal with them later on...inshaAllah...i will try my best in this profession.....hmm....

dont really feel good since im going back next week....but still have to finish my journey...so that i can help the people who are in needs.......have to start reading the books for next module...so lets end this today with a dua....

" Ya Allah ,.,..berilah aku kekuatan untuk terus berjuang dalam bidang perubatan , berikanlah kecemerlangan dalam keputusan ku dan berikanlah nikmat kesihatan yang terbaik terhadap ahli keluarga ku....amiin...:)"

your truly:
ana bahibbak abadan~

jebal butagi isoyo...hehehe...book3......

A month of leaving the blog...getting inspiration from me kaka...maimai elyas...who wrote a lot in her blog..dun want to disappoint her..writing again...

Family is the most important assets in my whole life..where can i be without them...?so preserve the love for the family first..after Allah and prophet Muhammad of course...hehehe..in one month time...many things had happened to me...i have to repeat my exam papers...getting into my new house ..getting a room for myself..which is rather comfortable...having to keep up with classes straight from 8am to 4 pm...with just one hour rest...to finished the module of upper limb,and lower limb muscles...origin,insertion,nerve supply(important in operation theatre..not to cut or else the person can be paralysed),action...every single arteries and veins...i think we might be a genius to do all of that in just one and a half month...which all other universities in Egypt took one whole year..to make sure that the student understand it well...as usuall..we took biochemistry in just one month which others also took it in one year..we are the alex super student.....

Disappointed in the results...i think make me closer to Allah...Allah tahu yang terbaik..sesungguhnya Allah pasti ada jalan yang jauh lebih baik..i hope..lets just have faith...maybe i wasn’t too serious while studying...hmmmm....regret...

Too stress with the module i think where people start to make things hard for us as well....please don’t make things hard for other people as the module is hard enough...with all the muscles...only in the forearm we have 20 muscles to memorize...bayangkan la...just to move your little forearm here and there..x masok lagi tempat lain nak mengeliat kot cni and sana...but it is just the way doctors have to sacrifice...this is the tulang we rent..hik3...

Not much of story left...the new house is comfortable and it really make my life better ...i have a good study condition...x pening sgt tgk excessive barang..lets just hope that this mama wouldn`t create much probs like my senior last year...harap2...so x yah nak pindah2...

Lastly...i couldn`t help but to laugh as hard as possible as abah is making my life better with da talking tom..recording his voice..and ibu`s voice...aahahhaha...lawak bila dengar...missing the family...

Pasai gambaq pintu tuh nanti pa slow talk ngan nas ek...hik3...bilik pa roughly cam nie jer la...X)

katil bilik pa...(pintu link nanti pa try amik)

  kipas bab da masok winter

 (hari tuh kte org celebrate palestine nyer pembukaan semua pakai hijau seronok!)